There is a cave filled with mystery and odd looking creatures in many places with a large number of shops. With a dark and frightening exterior, the awful primitive sounds from inside should deter any sane human. However, you will occasionally see an explorer insane enough to venture inside. It is not known where they end up but some say it’s a tardis into another dimension as people are never seen leaving and it is impossible to see inside this orifice.

Of course, what I’m describing is Hollister. Mainly young people will attempt to navigate this shop, browsing overpriced clothing that they can barely see. Although it is ‘surf style’, there is a fair chance that 95% of the clientèle do not access a beach more than once a year.

Why the popularity? I have a theory that people look out of curiosity at whatever this bizarre location is and get so sucked into the fascination of it that they begin to go inside to view the beautiful workers (Nice employing style, basing it only on looks. Nothing shallow and superficial about that…). They then walk into the edge of something hard and discover tables filled with surf magazines. They leaf through these pages, dreaming that they too could look as good as the photo-shopped beauties inside. In a state of depression and despair (Likely to be enhanced by the poor musical choices), they lose track of time and leave with an armful of goods and impaired vision. It results in teenagers forced to interact with each other using sonar if they become truly obsessed.

The employees are not much of an improvement. Whilst out shopping the other day, I meandered past the bar-like area to notice a worker standing outside wearing nothing above the waist. Congratulations on your stupidly high self-esteem and believing that you are Apollonian, enhancing my theory that Hollister is a ludicrously consumerist brand and feeding on the insecurities of adolescents. I salute you. Really, I do.